Word of the Day / Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day: "People are out there working two legal jobs to pay for the whore on Colfax to have air conditioning, all so she can cool off her puss' in between squirting out more babies who we'll support and whose daddies we'll never identify. And yet those same people who pay taxes for the whore's A/C make too much money to qualify for a government-paid-for air conditioning for their homes and can't afford to buy one for themselves. Tell Derek that he works at Juicy to cool off the hooker's 'juicy' between the buns in the oven!"

Why?: In my frustrated rant about the overall stupidity in our country and telling my mom how this Summer the State agreed to use taxpayer dollars to install air conditioning for low-income houses that couldn't afford air conditioning, this was the rant I got in return that had me busting a gut.

What I was telling her was how Derek's condo doesn't have A/C throughout the place (so he bought a window unit for his room a couple years ago) and how he can't afford to buy A/C even though he's busting his ass working two jobs as it is. And since he makes too much money between the two jobs, he wouldn't be able to qualify for a free A/C from the government.

At the same time illegals (who won't be deported (even after 12+ criminal offenses) before they end up killing two women and a 3-year-old boy at a Baskin Robbins) can have all the free A/C they want because "they have rights" and "they deserve it" for working the jobs that no one here wants to. Hello? At this point, there are so many people losing their jobs that many of them would sweep the streets of Denver if they had to in order to make ends meet. Oh, wait. Those jobs aren't available either because those who don't pay into our tax system (with the notable exception of sales tax on goods) are graciously doing that duty for us. Bless them. (Could I be dripping with any more irritable sarcasm?)

The reason this is all so belly-laughingly funny to me is because it's so back-asswards and yet so true.

Quote of the Day: "Girl, your glasses are so big, they should have come with their own squeegee."

Why?: Our friend Chris said this with regard to Ryan's new sunglasses. You know the black book thingies that waiters bring your check in at restaurants? Well, Ryan used one of those to demonstrate the size and shape of his new sunglasses across his face. I about died laughing at how ridiculous that comparison looked.

I'm picturing something like this:

Quote of the Day: "You see me in the middle of a conversation? Don't interrupt. Rude. ... Securrrity."

Why?: I was recently told about the Bon Qui Qui skit from MADtv. Generally I'm an SNL guy, but there is the occasional MADtv worth checking out.

Quote of the Day: "I feel like all signs are pointing toward one choice, while the Universe is strongly discouraging me from the other."

Why?: Ever have this feeling. Well, Veronica has and my advice is to listen up!

Quote of the Day: "Reindeer aren't real, right? I mean, Deer are real, but Reindeer aren't, are they? Because, Santa Claus has Reindeer. So Reindeer can't be real."

Why?: I laughed pretty hard about Derek's Reindeer misconception. For the record, Reindeer are real; flying Reindeer are fake.